WELCOME TO GAY MEN’S HEALTH
SCOTLAND’S CHARITY FOR GAY MEN
PLEASURE
Sex is a shared experience and it is usually sexually arousing to arouse another person, so we all need reassurance that what we are doing is really giving pleasure and feels good for us too. We all want the same things from sex…to feel pleasure and enjoyment and be fulfilled.
There is sometimes an unspoken feeling that sex should come naturally…whereas, in reality, talking about what you prefer with your partner helps sexual relations and can bring you much closer together.
It may take some courage to explain your needs and desires (as well as some things you are not happy with) constructively and sympathetically to your partner and there may be feelings of embarrassment, but it is well worth it in the end.
Sexual enjoyment can be affected by lots of physical factors like lack of sleep, stress and poor diet. But guys can also have technique problems, like over concentration on certain areas - the cock, over concern about orgasm, inattentiveness to their partner, or acting as if pleasure giving is only a prelude to the real thing…fucking!
All of these are often a result of tension and worrying too much about whether you’re doing the right thing and whether your partner is enjoying himself. Therefore to ensure you both enjoy the sex you are having, it’s important that you can relax and chat to each other.
You have the right to define conditions under which you share your body with another man. You can negotiate so that you both feel safe and valued. Don’t ever feel rushed or pressurised into doing anything before you feel ready to and you are sure it is what you want. This can be easier said than done as we all want to please our partner and sometimes we are frightened of saying no because he might be upset or feel rejected or we might fear he won’t want or love us anymore. This is understandable but remember that no-one has the right to tell you what to do...it’s your choice.
Shock horror; not all gay men have anal sex! Contrary to popular belief, more than one in three sexually active gay men choose not to fuck. There is a lot more to sex than fucking so don’t feel you are frigid or inadequate if you choose not to have full on penetrative sex, or if you draw the line anywhere else. If you don’t feel up for it, there’s no reason to push yourself to do something you’re not comfortable with.
There are lots of ways to find enjoyment and feel pleasure, so read on! As well as the obvious ways to pleasure a man….sucking, stroking and stimulation of his cock and balls...there are other ways to give and get pleasure, and great sex relies heavily on the excitation of several of the erogenous zones: touching and nibbling the earlobes, the neck and shoulders, toes, stroking each others back, thighs, arms, anus, giving a massage, sharing a bath. Once you’ve become turned on…most things tend to feel good provided they are done consensually!
The best thing about sex is the pleasure and enjoyment you can feel from trying out new things. Experimentation is the key to unleashing a whole multitude of fantastic feelings based around your arousal, your emotions and your fantasies. And remember that having great sex is FUN … and always should be!
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