Love, Sex and Relationships

sexual health pages

Expressing your sexuality is a good, healthy and positive part of most people’s lives. This leaflet is not intended to be a guide, but just to get you thinking about your sexuality and how you see love, sex and relationships fitting into your life.

Sexual attraction, lust, love and every emotion in between can be experienced by everyone, whether homo, bi or heterosexual, and these feelings are equally real and valid whether you are gay, bisexual or straight.
Our interest in our sexuality and what we do with it varies throughout life depending on many factors, not least of which are age, physical health, the way we feel at the time and the availability of sexual outlets.

Sex

People have sex for all sorts of reasons, the most obvious being that you are horny, turned on, revved up (or whatever words you use) ...

A lot of people, particularly when they have just come out as gay do have a lot of sex simply because they realise that they can, and it feels good for them. This enthusiasm can last for weeks to years, or even the rest of your life!

Another obvious reason that guys have sex is to express the love they feel for their partner, strengthening the emotional bond between them.

Less obvious, but still true, you might have sex to boost your ego - if someone fancies you then you can feel better about yourself. It can be great when it works but when it doesn’t you can end up feeling worse than when you started.

Sometimes people have sex because they want affection but put up with the sex part because they can’t ask for affection - just the kissing and hugging part.

It isn’t unknown for people to have sex with guys just to make friends, not realising that you can make friends without sex if you want to. A network of friends is particularly helpful if you are a gay or bisexual man. Because we live in a society with few role models, it’s useful to talk to friends to see what they are doing, and how their sex and/or love lives are progressing.

Relationships and love

Gay and bisexual men are like everyone else, and many people want the prince, the castle and all the trimmings (although he may actually be a carpet fitter in Crosshill or a doctor from Dumbarton). It may seem stupid to write down the obvious, but the love gay or bisexual men feel is the same emotion that the rest of the population feel, and we all deserve the same happiness in a relationship. Gay relationships, like straight ones, need to be worked at, and problems talked through, but the benefits can be enormous.
If you are having problems in your relationship and are finding them difficult to resolve, it may be useful to talk to someone about it at Gay Men’s Health. We have trained couple counsellors available to help you understand what is happening and make changes. Couple Counselling Lothian also help gay and bisexual men having problems in their relationships.
So there you have it. Some of the options, so what are you going to do?
You can date and smooch, admire from afar, have wild sex with everyone you fancy, fall madly and passionately in love or indeed indulge in an orgy of going to the pub for karaoke and a pint.
It’s your life, it’s your sexuality - enjoy!

Gay Men’s Health
10a Union Street, Edinburgh, EH1 3LU
(0131) 558 9444

Lothian Gay and Lesbian Switchboard
(0131) 556 4049
Every evening, 7.30 - 10.00pm

Couple Counselling Lothian
9a Dundas Street
(0131) 556 1527

Images courtesy of the Steve Retson Project

Last updated 20th May 2004

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