Gay Men's Health: Scotland's Charity for Gay Men |endings

WELCOME TO GAY MEN’S HEALTH

In relationships there are never any guarantees of everlasting happiness and love. Sometimes things go wrong and the course of true love might not always run smoothly. It can be hard to accept that things are over.

Long-term relationships can be difficult to give up; there may be fears around being lonely, never finding anyone else again or being left on the sidelines.

If you have tried everything to stay together and nothing seems to work, then it may be best to let go and both of you move on with your lives. Most if not all of us will go through a break-up at some time. Learning to cope with all the feelings can only come with experience. Life will go on without him.

If a relationship has ended – you may be feeling all kinds of ups and downs. We all respond to things in a different way. There can be feelings of anger, rejection, loneliness, fear, regret and resentment. Our self-esteem can have taken a battering. It is important to get these feelings out – don’t try and talk yourself out of being sad or upset. Tears are part of the process of healing the hurt but it’s important not to stay in a withdrawn state too long. You damage yourself and other relationships- even though it may feel safer.

It is better if you try and get back to the regular everyday things and stay involved in life, whether that’s looking up some old friends, arranging to meet up with a groups of pals or even joining a group. There could be plenty of ways to find things to do in your free time. Volunteering with a local gay men’s project may get you out of the house for a while. There are loads of social groups for guys – from hill walking to real ale. There could well be something for you to get involved in – as a way to meet new people, keep yourself occupied and feel good about yourself again.

It can be useful to reflect on our past relationships to help understand what we want in the future. Be honest with yourself: what could you do better the next time? What positives do you want to look for next time round? We all go through periods of venting all our feelings to anyone who will listen but spare your nearest and dearest the endless repetition. Make sure that you take an interest in their lives as well – it’ll help you to get your head sorted and start feeling back to normal again.

Go easy on the next guy you meet – don’t project the issues from your last relationship unto the next unsuspecting soul! See the new person as a clean state and allow it to develop without all the baggage from your past there. It can be good to talk about our pasts to find out about each other but none of us wants to hear about ex’s every night over dinner.

Sometimes it is best to talk to a professional if you continue to feel down or depressed. Check out local directories or our links section for help-lines or other kinds of support for gay men.