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COMMUNICATION

SCOTLAND’S CHARITY FOR GAY MEN

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Forget sending flowers or cooking a special dinner – the best gift you can give your boyfriend is good communication.  We all want to be heard, understood and accepted.  We can all find it hard to listen and say what we are feeling inside. 


Accept your partner as he is – and do the same for yourself.

Stop telling your bloke what is wrong with him.  If he feels judged and criticised then he is not going to get close to you.  Stop thinking about what you want to change in him, and love him for what he is.


Focus on what’s right about him – and tell him!

Remember you fell in love with your partner for a reason and something drew you to him in the first place.  Was it his sense of humour, his unique way of dancing?  Remind him about it – tell him about all the things he does that makes you happy.  It’s all too easy to complain instead of compliment.  It’ll give him a confidence boost and let him know what special qualities mean a lot to you.


Listen with love

When a guy thinks he is really being listened to then he feels valued and loved.  It’s about really being there for someone and putting ourselves aside for a short while.  Focus on what he says to you and work out what is really being said.  When we really talk to each other- we learn to trust and open up a bit more.


Smart talk

Us guys tend to keep things to ourselves; we hide our disappointments, wishes and fears.  We shouldn’t assume that our special guy will know what is going on inside our head.  We need to let the other person know how we are really feeling, what we need and what we hope.  If you do this, then you are starting to share yourself.


Ask for what you need

We can sometimes think that if we ask for something – we will be rejected or embarrassed. It might be a hug or the kind of sex we want... but if we don’t tell him what we want, then there could always be confusion.  If he offers you things, accept and say thanks.  It’s important to let him know how much things mean to you.  It goes both ways. Find out what he wants and see if you can meet this.  If you need to, talk about things and see where you can compromise.


Be good to yourself.

You will never find that Mr. Right as long as you think you are all Mr. Wrong.  If you don’t like and respect yourself, you might end up blaming him for all your shortcomings.  Think of all the things you like about yourself and what you can offer.  What do you want from him and why is this?  When you start a relationship feeling good about yourself – then he will feel good about you as well.  

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